Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Awkward and Slightly Inappropriate Truths...

Do you ever have one of those days?  You know the ones I mean.  It's the kind of day where every blog you follow has some kind of witty, inspirational, snarky, or outright hilarious post, while you can't come up with a single solitary idea.  This is one of the main reasons that I don't blog everyday.  It would seem that this edit is sucking all of the creativity juices from the very marrow of my bones.

So I've decided to steal a page from Lisa and Laura Write  http://lisa-laura.blogspot.com/2011/07/tell-truth-tuesday_26.html  , and have my own Tell the Truth Tuesday.  Hopefully, you'll find some of my truths funny (more likely they'll be cringe worthy)

1.  I can fit my entire fist in my mouth
I discovered this rare talent my senior year of high school, due to a dare.  After impressing my parents and siblings with this hidden ability, my Grandma showed up.  After some prompting from my Mom, I demonstrated said ability.  My Grandma nearly peed herself laughing!  Seems that she discovered the same hidden talent her senior year of high school as well.  Big Mouth + Little hands= Crowd Pleaser (My husband was equally impressed when my best friend pressured me into showing him when we were first dating.  Might be why he married me?!  Wait that sounded dirty...)

2. I am hopelessly addicted to HBO, Showtime, and HGTV.
 Ok, ok..and maybe Jerseylicious and America's Next Top Model. 
Ahhh....Sookie + Eric=Swoon (I am so not a Bill fan)

3.  Last night I totally cleaned the house for 2 hours, just so I could have the extra calories to devour two brownies.
 (They were desperately needed)

4. I am a compulsive butt pincher/slapper
I really don't know why I do this, I just do.  I like to sneak up behind people and bam I've tagged them.  But let me clarify, these people are usually related to me and I have NEVER pinched/slapped a strangers tukus.  My favorite bum to pinch/slap....that would have to be my sister, she always gives the best reaction.

5. Awkward,  Inappropriate, and Strange things spew loudly from my mouth on a daily basisReally, I do try to control it.  I even have conversations with myself, declaring what is appropriate and what is not.  But in my defense, half the time I'm only doing it to get a surprised laugh from my husband. (He is the only one who really does fully appreciate my unique brand of humor)  However, if I am among my siblings and parents when this happens, it can quickly escalate to embarrassing proportions.  Then I go home and berate myself..I mean who really jokes about their parents having sex? (Yea that's what I meant by awkward and inappropriate....although I strangely find this hilarious because my Mom gets super embarrassed and my siblings cringe.)  But honestly, my parents had 5 kids, obviously they enjoyed making them.  See what I mean?  I can't stop myself.

Well that's it for now, and please remember that I never claimed to be normal.  I mean what writer can actually claim that moniker?  And hopefully, there isn't a mass unfollowing after this post, because my sincerest wish was that I could make you laugh, giggle, or grunt-choose your flavor.

Feel free to comment some of your own truths, I promise not to laugh.  Ok maybe I will, just a little.

Until next time...


  1. Glad you enjoyed it Josh! And you know firsthand that all of this is sad but true.