Wednesday, May 20, 2015

The Writer's Voice Entry - THE SEMI-UNFORTUNATE LIFE OF EMERSON WINTERS

Query


It’s true that homeschooled senior Emerson Winters has always had a thing for her childhood friend, but when the taller, more muscular, Finnegan Greene moves back into her life - their easy friendship becomes a thing of the past. Now his mere presence turns her previously endearing and inherent clumsiness into a full on doplick freak-show.

But when an embarrassing video - complete with her best impersonation of an inept human windmill accompanied by a bloody nose and an echoing bootie belch - go viral, Emme finds an unlikely partner in Finn when he volunteers to help plan a revenge scheme of epic proportions to teach the douchenozzles responsible a lesson.

Armed with nothing but her quirky tees, two of the world’s best friends, and her cherished journal, Emme’s forced to wade through the sticky, muddled void of almost-but-not-quite-kisses, heart-wrenching misunderstandings, and eye-opening senior trips. But most importantly, will the sweet victory of revenge finally give her the confidence to forge her ‘what if’ with Finn into reality?

THE SEMI-UNFORTUNATE LIFE OF EMERSON WINTERS is a YA Contemporary complete at 81,000 words. 
I am an active member of WrAHM, a write-at-home mother's group, and also belong to an online critique group.

Thank you for your time and consideration.



First 250 Words

Son of a motherless goat.
I sip my coffee slowly, trying to find caffeinated courage as I stare out the windshield at the ugly brick facing of the bowling alley. “I’ve changed my mind. Take me home.”
Lainey shrugs. “Too late now, you’ve been spotted.”
My gaze strays to the entrance of the building and lands on Finn. With his chestnut brown hair hidden by a slouchy blue beanie, and teamed with the gray sweater and dark washed jeans - he’s devastating. He lifts a hand and waves with a smile. We both wave back, even as my eyes are drawn to his free hand. The one resting against his thigh. Every time I see those fingers tapping absentmindedly against whatever surface is available, I want to hear the music playing inside his head.
“Remind me again. Why do I keep torturing myself over someone who already has a girlfriend?” I groan and slump back against the passenger seat.
“Because the heart wants what the heart wants.” Lainey rolls her eyes. “And he’s been one of your best friends for the entirety of your life, so you’re kinda stuck with him.”
I lean my face into my cupped hand. “Now if I could only pretend to be a normal functioning human in his presence.”
“It wouldn’t be so bad if you’d actually talk to him instead of running in the opposite direction.”
“It wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t think I’d suddenly developed multiple personalities.”

34 comments:

  1. Your first line is HILARIOUS and really sets the tone. I love this beginning and definitely want more.

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  2. Made me laugh! So great. Good luck!

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  3. I love the voice of this already! Another must read! good Luck!

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  4. Oh my, the voice in this is fantastically funny! Good luck to you!

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  5. Yes, awesome first line. Fun is afoot! Good luck :)

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  6. You have a nice query letter with a good hook. Good luck!

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  7. I like the premise, really hooks me!

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  8. The voice just oozes in this. It's a great opening!

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  9. Love that first line! LOL great opening!

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  10. Have to echo what so many others have already said-- I love the voice of this SO much!!! So fun :) good luck in the contest!

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  11. Captivating! Great voice and query definitely has me hooked! Good luck!

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  12. As I read I felt the twisted heart and ego of your MC and I love her! Hope to read more soon! �� good luck on theWvoice!
    Dev
    @tallcapdoppio

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  13. This is AWESOME! Not only is it awesome but, if I were in a bookstore, I'd buy it just for the title. Truly.

    Best of luck to you in the contest. I can't possibly see how this one be one of the big hits!!!

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  14. I love this! The voice in your first 250 is awesome. I really want to keep reading! :)

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  15. Nice job, really clear voice. Best of luck to you!!

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  16. OMG. This is hilarious. lol love your voice, filled with fun and color (my favorite). I'm dying to read the rest!!! Good luck, Amber!

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  17. This is such a fun and great concept! Loved your opening and want to read more! I adore the title too - good luck :)

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  18. Love the voice in the query and the first 250! Good luck!

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  19. Had me giggling from the start of the Query. And I love the title. Good luck!

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  20. Such an engaging premise and I love the tone in the query and the first 250! Great dialogue too. Best of luck!

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  21. what a darling, engaging voice! Love! Best of luck!!

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  22. Love the voice! I must read the rest of this!! Good luck! :)

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  23. Love this story. I already want Finn and Emerson to be together. The voice is great too! Good luck!

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  24. Vivacious prose and a tight query--awesome! Best of luck!!

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  25. Great voice in the query and the pages--I'm drawn in right away. Love "Douchenozzle" and wanting to hear the music in his head. But...there aer a lot of long sentences in the query. Maybe play around with splitting one or two of them up. how long has Finn been away?

    This sounds great!

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  26. You had me at "douchenozzles!" I love this and your voice!

    Also: I was given the feedback that rhetorical questions in queries are a "no" for agents. I thought I'd pass along the info and the link I was just given! Hope this helps!

    Link: http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2006/10/should-i-use-rhetorical-questions-in-my.html

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  27. OK, I'm incorporating "douchenozzle" into my vocabulary from now on. Awesome query and sample! Good luck!

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  28. I love this! Love your title and MC's name. Good luck!

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  29. Your voice stands out! Love!

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  30. This was a lot of fun!! Good luck to you!

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  31. I meant to get these back to people quicker, but my kids got me sick. I did yours a little differently than the others cause I can't really tell the stakes from your query. Sometimes these rule-breaking pitches work better anyway.

    The teenage dream of having a video go viral turns to a nightmare for Emma when it's of her farting. Now it's time for revenge #PitMad #YA

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