Firstborns...

My Baby Boy 5 1/2 yrs ago!

My oldest starts kindergarten on Wednesday, and the very thought of that makes me want to burst into tears.  Wasn't he a baby not that long ago?

And then my mind started doing the calculations.  Wait, has it really been five and a half years?  Is that even possible?   I haven't really been working on my manuscript for that long have I?  But I have.  Yes,  the shape and content have changed much over the years, but the bones remain the same.

And as I thought about this, I couldn't help but compare my journey with my son, to my journey with my WIP.  I guess in a way they will both always seem like babies to me.  They are both my firstborns.

They both started out as helpless creatures, completely dependent upon me.   I watched in awe as they slowly evolved, taking those first shaky steps on fat wobbly legs.   I remember those hours of deciphering the halting dialogue until it gradually expanded into coherent sentences.  And then, in the blink of an eye, trying to keep up as they both zoomed every which way, constantly surprising me with the crap that spouted from their mouths.

Before I knew it, BAM there they were, both ready to take that first step into the unknown and unprotected world.  For my son, that path is kindergarten.   For my book, it's the nail-biting, self-doubting, painful, and excruciating process of querying.

And while I feel like clutching both of them into the safety of my arms, I know it's time to let go.  I have to take that risk, to trust that the stars will align and they both will be alright.

If only I didn't feel like being violently sick the entire time...